Challenging #RapeCulture: The Lincolnshire #AskForAngela Poster Campaign Making A Real Difference

Hello Everyone!

So it's been a while since I blogged about Lincolnshire but I just had to talk about an amazing poster that I've been seeing on social media platform discussions about how to help prevent sexual assault and rapes from occurring in the first place. The poster was created by the Lincolnshire Rape Crisis team, which includes the wonderful Hayley Child, Substance Misuse and Sexual Violence and Strategy Coordinator for Lincolnshire County Council and gives advice to pub, bar and nightclub goers about what to do if they are stuck with a bad date that they may have met through online dating sites or through mutual friends/family. The poster forms part of the #NoMore campaign, which "aims to promote a culture change in relation to sexual violence and abuse,  promote services in Lincolnshire and empower victims to make a decision on whether to report incidents" ("Code word campaign help people escape bad dates by alerting bar staff discreetly", The Independent, October 20th 2016).

I reprint the poster below :

Essentially the poster tells you to notify a member of bar staff if you are feeling uncomfortable and the "date" is starting to get emotionally aggressive or threatens your physical safety and then that member of staff will help you by either calling a taxi/cab for you or to help you out discreetly; for example if you suspect your drink might be spiked, the staff member can dispose of the drink and pour you another one or if the date wants to go for a walk with you on your own and you don't want that because you don't know what might happen, the staff member can make that clear to the person concerned and then prevent them from reacting aggressively whilst they call for the taxi. All practical, easily implementable advice which requires only basic diversity training in pubs, bars and nightclubs to get off the ground with minimal cost to the owners. Great!

Now most of the time such poster campaigns only garner very limited interest, usually from local bar and nightclub goers who wouldn't give a second thought to the poster after merely glancing at its content. However, thanks to a wonderful student tweeter from Lincoln/Scunthorpe called Isobel O' Brien (IZ), who took a mobile selfie of the poster on October 18th because she believed it "shouldn't just be seen in Lincolnshire bars and nightclubs", the Twittersphere got to see the #AskForAngela poster. Suffice to say it went viral. As of 25/10/2016, IZ's tweet has been liked 35,000 times and retweeted 27,000 times. The Australian newspaper, The Age Australia picked up on the #AskForAngela poster and several Australian radio stations have asked for interviews with Lincolnshire Rape Crisis. It would be fantastic to see regional variations of the poster being distributed across the UK, Australia, New Zealand and even in countries such as Norway or Sweden, albeit with regional variations being applied when necessary.

I'm proud to know my home county council and Marc Jones, my local Police and Crime Commissioner have taken such a firm stand against sexual assault and rape and want to prevent as many from happening in the first place. We don't have enough councils and PCCs taking the matter of prevention seriously enough.

Of course after IZ tweeted an image of the #AskForAngela poster, the Twitter trolls came at her with the predictable putdowns. Marcus J, for example said that "women should learn just to say "no thanks" on a bad date", not realising that some people may be frightened of speaking out openly against a bad date person  for fear of being followed out of the bar/club and then being sexually assaulted or raped out in the streets or even at home.  Marcus retorted that he'd expect people to "have a minimum amount of self-awareness and self-confidence to handle the situation like an adult" so as to not "make themselves" a victim (October 18th 2016). Yet what Marcus doesn't understand is that actually by using the #AskForAngela codeword, people would be acting with self-confidence by making sure they protect themselves. So I was glad to see a guy actually speaking up for IZ and the poster campaign by pointing out the need to protect women from the possibility of being sexually assaulted/raped by a bad date. As IZ has pointed out, it is a "safety net" (Oct 19th 2016) and what is actually wrong with having one in place? Naturally Mr Marcus said that the "Feminist Circlejerk" has been closing in on him since he made the comments but I don't think you have to be a feminist to support such a vital campaign. That being said, there is nothing wrong with being a proud intersectional feminist and I certainly am one and shall forever be one.

Then we have another predictable putdown by Daniel Clarke who criticised the poster for being too geared towards women because of its layout and its use of language. Firstly he mentioned the whole "the poster is making women hate men because of the patriarchy broad smear" wah wah argument. Why do guys feel the need to denigrate poster campaigns like this just because it might have been created by Lincolnshire Rape Crisis (who they instantly perceive as being a women's only organisation)?  Daniel then says that the poster asks a person to "ask for a woman...because females are more likely to approach other females if they feel threatened/in danger." (October 24th 2016). OK so what happens if the bad date happens to be a woman? Do you think lesbian/bi/pansexual/queer/gender-neutral women would want to use the code word Angela if one uses Daniel's logic? Or perhaps we all want to ensure we are safe and don't care what code word we need to use in order to guarantee our safety? Hmmm...
Finally Daniel goes back to the idea of women being portrayed as "helpless" that is just so ludicrous that he should go and join Marcus on that extremely naughty step! Women are not helpless because they use their judgement to keep themselves safe. The "damsels in distress" narrative that some blokes have been brought up on needs to be thrown out the window.

So let's address the "elephant in the room" that Daniel and Marcus and others brought up. Is the poster designed just for women? The amazing point that was made by IZ several times on her Twitter Feed was that the poster was found in a GENDER NEUTRAL bathroom and was intended to be seen by men as well as women. It is important to remember that gay, bisexual and heterosexual men can find themselves on a bad date where they may feel they could be taken advantage of physically. You think just because men are "meant" to "look strong enough" and can "sound tough and firm" by saying No to their bad date that they would be immune from being sexually assaulted or date raped? What a "Stone Age" to take! I'd have thought that guys would want to protect their bros from being in this situation and if guys who criticise the poster based on its layout, colour scheme or use of language really care about protecting their fellow bros from being sexually assaulted or raped, they should either get on board with the poster's message and stop critiquing the "femininity" of it or create their own posters that could be displayed in men's bathrooms to help them keep safe on a night out? I'm assuming that Daniel and Marcus do care about heterosexual and gay/bi/transmen or gender/fluid/queer/non-binary individuals enough to want to protect them from being sexually assaulted or raped by an aggressive bad date in the first place?

So yes, I applaud Lincolnshire Rape Crisis, Lincolnshire County Council and  Marc Jones for creating the #AskForAngela posters. I'm glad that the #NoMore campaign will be "relaunched in February 2017 to tie in with the National Sex Violence and Abuse Awareness Week". (Hayley Child, The Independent). It'll be amazing to see how many regional and international variations of the poster appear on social media inspired by the posters. I stand in solidarity with IZ over her tweeting of the poster and her take down of the patriarchal Twitter Trolls who trot out the same lines to try and delegitimise the poster without coming up with any ideas as to how to contribute to sexual assault and bad date rape prevention for Men as well as women, trans, non-binary or queer individuals, hetero as well as lesbian, gay, bi, pansexual people. We need to continue fighting against the #RapeCulture that exists in the world to help all concerned. It's not just a Feminist issue that can be swept under the carpet at will. After what's happened with Trump's sexual assault comments we have to be practical and enact systems that will help prevent sexual assaults and rapes from occurring in the first place. Code word posters are a small but vital practical part of the process and yet again, Lincolnshire leads the way. I couldn't be more proud.

The Vacuousness Behind The "Virtue Signalling" Putdown: Are The Far Right Afraid Of Demonstrating Compassion Online?

"Compassion should never be rationed" - Me RE Donald Trump and his Syrian immigration comments, June 2016.

Showing the strength of your convictions on social media platforms can lead to you seriously getting your fingers burned. You can see it when you show solidarity with rape victims who feel their voices are underrepresented by the Crown Prosecution Service (now being called a "radical feminist bastion" by Conservative women who love berating Twitter Feminism the first chance they get), or talk about the holes in Trashy Donald Trump's "Guns for Gays" protectionist tagline (demonstrating that Trump can't help but erase LBTQIA individuals from key policy discussions who matter just as much as homosexuals) or comment on the increasing Child Refugee Crisis where taking in 100 children is now seen as a "massive risk to our own children" because they don't "look young enough". Being openly positive and compassionate is now worthy of a "Virtue Signalling" putdown by Conservatives and Alt-Righters who want to force you into caring for self and nation first for no other reason than to show charade level solidarity with their "Unity" message which I have very little interest in espousing.

The term "Virtue Signalling" has been in use since 2004 but was popularised by James Bartholomew in his April 2015 article for The Spectator. Essentially, when you write a Facebook post or tweet about an issue knowing you are doing so to garner approval from an "echo chamber", this is seen as virtue signalling. David Shariatmadari in his January 2016 article for The Guardian: "Virtue-Signalling- the putdown that has past its sell-by date" says: "It's a form of vanity, all the worse because it's dressed up as selfless conviction". See more of the article, including responses here: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jan/20/virtue-signalling-putdown-passed-sell-by-date.

I'm not saying some who are progressive in ideology do not use social media platforms to improve their profile/image/brand by making statements that connect with current progressive thinking. Some openly do this because they want to gain favour to manufacture a career, very much like those who audition for the X Factor hoping to get into the music industry without much (if any) experience of the reality of having to gig across the UK in working men's clubs and middle of the road pubs, taking unwarranted abuse from trolls and earning less than the National Minimum Wage for the week after they return home weary and in need of respite. Not many Twitter accounts gain notoriety enough to garner mass approval from an army of likeminded followers unless they have gained their celebrity offline. Even alt-right kingpin tweeters such as Paul John Watson have to appear in the real world to build their brand effectively. And yes, even Paul John Watson will virtue-signal, albeit for entirely different reasons. Sharitatmadari offers a philosophy framework which can be adapted and applied here to demonstrate an example of right wing virtue-signalling:

1. Trump says that America should build a wall to keep Mexicans from illegally entering the USA. (i.e. he was right on building a wall) so Paul John Watson reiterates that and says he was right-on this.
2. Virtue-signalling is when you say something right-on just to sound good to an audience (usually by agreeing with central proponents of the ideology/ central discussers of the issue)
3.  Therefore Paul John Watson is virtue-signalling.

Whilst most analysts focus on how the extreme far left use "virtue-signalling" to draw attention to issues such as #GunSense laws in the US (which call for such "ridiculous" things as updating registration systems or making sure guns must be kept secure in houses so toddlers can't gain access to them and put themselves and others accidentally in danger), "virtue-signalling" is also used with reference to right wing Islamophobia- e.g. the idea that it is "right to keep Muslims out of the US" because it is the right thing for an Evangelical Christian to do. What "sounds good" or "right" or "virtuous" to one social group will sound terrible to another, hence the claim of virtue-signalling being used to try and silence someone on an issue. Whether you are left, right, centrist or have no ideological preference leaning it probably isn't a smart idea to be throwing around the term to offend without fully understanding that it can be applied generically to anyone.

Instead, I'd like to see people following CS Lewis's example: in the third section of his book Mere Christianity (1953) called Christian Behaviour, Lewis talks about Christianity's connection with compassion and empathy and how Jesus taught us never to limit these virtues regardless of who we may come in contact with in our lives. Lewis's most important point is that Christianity mandates that one "love your neighbor as yourself." All persons unconditionally love themselves. Even if one does not like oneself, one would still love oneself. Christians, he writes, "must also apply this attitude to others, even if they do not like them." Lewis calls this one of the "great secrets": "when one acts as if he loves others, he will presently come to love them." That's why the Hillary Clinton slogan campaign "Love Trump's Hate" resonates with Lutheran Christians like me. Trump may dehumanise immigrants who are "illegal" as criminals (bad hombres), Muslims who come from the Middle East (bad refugees) and women who dare to look him in the eye and rebuke him for terrible sexual assault behaviours which he must have known were wrong but felt he could undertake because he was "powerful" but it is better to love him unconditionally as a person and think of him as being redeemable than writing him off as a bad sort altogether, as he seems to have done to Hillary with his constant "Hillary for Prison" and NRA gun owners should "take Hillary out to protect the 2nd Amendment (Gun Rights) diatribes.

Christians should believe in the power of redemption and that's why I find those Christians who want to combat redemption measures by believing in absolute death penalties or punishment for some women carrying out abortions or hating those who want to be married to each other but are of the same gender/sexuality weird. I find them to be very weird people. I don't hate them for their weirdness; I hope they will see the error of their logic and redeem themselves. Redemption is bestowed on us by God and is never rationed. Redemption is a form of compassion. If it is "virtue-signalling" to point that out, then so be it. As Jesus said to his disciples :“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing....If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit....You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last” (John 15:5, 7–8, 16). Maybe Trump will remember that even he has some benefit to humanity, albeit it may be quite skewered at the moment and his Alt-Right cult may follow him into demonstrating compassion to others online in the future if they are as "fundamentally Christian" as they purport themselves to be.

Challenging Rape Culture: Why Everyone Should Care!

Firstly I shall admit I am a committed intersectional feminist. Any readers of my blog who have read previous entries concerning my feelings on feminism, especially intersectional feminism will know I care deeply about trying to debunk stereotypes and to look at constructive ways both supporters and opponents of (generically bland without doing any extensive research form of) "feminism" can work together to make change happen, something Bernie Sanders has been trying to get Millennials to do for the benefit of Americans and beyond.

I do strongly believe we have a problem in the UK and Worldwide with a culture that openly allows most sexual assault and rape cases to go unchallenged and unpunished. Rape Crisis has reported that "approximately 85,000 women are raped in England Wales every year" (An Overview of Sexual Offending in England and Wales, Ministry of Justice, Office for National Statistics and Home Office, January 2013). Sexual assault and rape cases that do not just involve adult women victims but male victims, child victims, LGBTQIA victims, disabled victims too. Rape Crisis says that approximately 12,000 men are raped every year in England and Wales alone (An Overview of Sexual Offending in England and Wales). It is time that rape culture deniers understood that anyone can be a victim of sexual assault or rape and that everyone should want to adopt a proactive approach to prevent sexual assault and rape cases from happening whenever possible to do so.  We need to debunk myths, challenge stereotypes and embrace a holistic approach. Let's start by understanding rape culture as it stands.

Rape culture exists because (pretty much) globally we have internalised the belief that victims will never truly be believed by criminal justice figures and consequently will never secure an appropriate conviction that sets a precedent for others to follow. Many women in particular believe, as Molly Reddon, US Guardian writer has pointed out in her reflections on the #WhyWomenDontReport Sexual Assault and Rape hashtag that they "have normalised harassment just to make it work...and of course the harassment is so quiet that if you react forcefully, you're the one making a scene. Or misinterpreting things". This need to downplay harassment on the streets leads to a feeling that talking about sexual assault or rape crime might also lead to them being told they are "making a scene" or "misinterpreting things". You'd be mistaken to believe that trans non-binary people such as myself only begin to receive such harassment when we have "indicated" our gender preference. LGBTQIA individuals experience a similar form of harassment, especially if we show any sense of "sexual sensuality" in public. However, even heterosexual men can become victims of sexual assault or rape, something which is conveniently forgotten by tweeters who boast of teenage boys being "lucky" if they get raped by an older woman or not giving their partners "enough sex" if they wake up finding them on their penis without consent being given. So whether you are a man or woman, queer or gender-fluid/non-binary, hetero or homosexual or expressing a different form of gender identity or sexuality you can be a victim of sexual assault or rape. It is despicable, then, that we live in a culture that consistently prefers to "slut shame" and "victim blame" than to deter and prevent sexual assaults and rape crimes being perpetrated in the first place. Even when teachers do address issues concerning consent in the classroom the lessons are often only given to girls and the emphasis is on to telling them "don't get raped" rather than telling all students "not to rape in the first place". Lack of awareness of the damage that sexual assault and rape perpetrators inflict on their victims, lack of prosecutions and lack of comprehensive, genderless, impartial Sex and Relationships Education (SRE) are reasons as to why we see a horrendous amount of tweets from Millennials that seem malicious, ill informed and non compassionate towards victims, when they first hear the story, during trials (if the case is lucky to get to court) and after a guilty or not guilty verdict against the perpetrator/accused.

Social Media Hashtagging: #WhyWomenDont Report and #ChedEvans

So many social media responses to hashtags and articles that are created to discuss sexual assault and rape experiences end up being negative in tone. I've reprinted a selection of tweets below that were sent using the #ChedEvans hashtag after it was announced on October 14th 2016 that Ched Evans had been found not guilty of rape after a retrial was ordered following new evidence which seemed to vindicate Mr Evans.

Ched Evans Case: A Selection of Tweets:
Negative:

• "Little slag ruined the lads life I think he should now be able to rape her. #justiceforched" Oliver Brennan, October 14th 2016.
• "The girl that lied about Ched Evans raping her should be put on trial, nobody should be able to ruin a life and get away with it #ChedEvans" Harry (Simply Southend) October 14th 2016.
• "The bird who lied & ruined Ched Evans life should be fed to an angry pack of wolfs #JusticeForChed" Ollie, October 14th 2016.
• "The amount of compensation Ched Evans should get from all those feminists who slagged him off. #JusticeForChed" Redwood (Harry Redwood), October 14th, 2016.
• "The Ched Evans case is a perfect example of the shit women can get away with #JusticeForChed" Sean Banville, October 14th, 2016.
• "I dream of a day where feminism no longer needs to exist, so the ideology can't be exploited by deluded man-hating halfwits. #JusticeForChed" Adam Littler, October 15th, 2016.

Positive:

• "The Victim did NOT accuse #ChedEvans of rape, the Police prepared the file for the #CPS; they are the ones who have the green light for trial." Eve Thomas, October 15 2016.
• "Drunken consent" is NOT consent! A woman's sexual history shouldn't be a determining factor. Do prostitutes not get raped?" Tenancious T, October 14th 2016.
• "@berty654889 The fact NOBODY came forward to suggest the claimant made a habit of having threesome should have spoken volumes. #ChedEvans" GordonBrown, October 16th 2016.
• "Still waiting for someone to introduce me to the woman who profited from reporting her rapist. #whywomendontreport" Katie Klabusich, October 14th 2016.
• ""women lie about rape for money and attention." Ched Evans accuser was forced to move 5 times and go into hiding. How did she 'benefit'?" Rossalyn Warren, October 14th 2016.

I've seen no end of (male) tweeters who blame feminism particularly for an increase in rape accusations and they seem to attribute this increase to hardening societal attitudes towards "flirtatious behaviour" and their mistaken idea that women who have extensive sexual histories can never truly be victims of rape. Feminism has partly been responsible for empowering women (and men) to speak out against their abusers and attackers and feminists regularly help to fund and volunteer for charities which seek to protect, house, support and fight for victims regardless of their individual circumstances (although not always effectively for LGBTQIA and male victims). So lambasting feminists for daring to care for female victims and their rights and mental health is unhelpful. If these tweeters had a real issue with feminists dominating sexual assault and rape discourse and wanted to help male victims and survivors, they would actually bother to volunteer, fundraise for charities such as Gender Free DV who actively campaign for married men, LGBTQIA, disabled, elderly victims of domestic violence and abuse, of which sexual assault and rape are an unavoidable part. If you're going to attack feminists for caring about the welfare of victims after the outcome of a not-guilty verdict, why don't you care for victims who may share many of your own characteristics and politics who may be ignored by the system? I'd rather be guilty of caring than guilty of inaction.

I would like to remind  tweeters that we live in a culture where all accused men and women are innocent until proven in a court of law, but even if they are found not guilty of rape, it doesn't mean that the accused's conduct was beyond reproach or in some instances that they didn't commit the crime. Yes there are false accusations of rape and sexual assault being banded about usually as a result of revenge but instances are extremely rare. For many victims/survivors of sexual assault and rape, the experience has left them emotionally and physically shaken and they find it extremely difficult to recount such experiences even if they happened 20/30 years ago. It's funny to me that we now expect rape victims to be able to keep a contemporaneous record of their actions and feelings following the rape, starting from the first day onwards to be able to even have a chance of proving that sexual assault or rape took place. Ask yourselves honestly: would you be able to write down or type an account of your emotions the day after being raped by your husband for not submitting to his desire to have sex? Would you be able to explain how you felt to a family member about being penetrated in the mouth by a stranger after walking home from a club when you can't bring yourself to accept it happened let alone tell your Mum or Dad? Very few people keep diaries these days so wouldn't even think of noting down their feelings about the whimsical follies of daily life- like how many sausages I had for dinner or whether Poldark declared his life for full fat milk or full fat chocolate to Elizabeth. (By the way, good on Heida Reed for asking Mammoth Screen and scriptwriter Debbie Horsfield to get rid of the rape scene between Elizabeth and Poldark for Series 2...a brave decision but sends an important message about representation of sexual assaults and rape on screen...we don't need to portray it when it is unecessary to do so).

I believe we need to be realistic and try and place ourselves in the shoes of the victim before we start making "Holier Than Thou" value judgements or submit a flurry of curse and death tweets to a survivor who has bravely decided to come out and tell their story. You may choose to believe them or not but being non-compassionate is not acceptable by any religious or atheistic moral standard. Naturally most tweeters think that the survivor will never get to read the tweet; that when questioned they would say it was "harmless banter" and that she was a "lying bint" anyways and deserved being shamed publically online. That sort of throw-away hate comment approach needs to be addressed and better ICT coverage of social media usage issues will help address this in the future.

I read an interesting blogpost that was submitted to me by Maggie Bernet through Twitter following my republishing of a blogpost detailing my experience of coming to terms with being orally raped. In "Compassion", (https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/compassion-maggie-bernet), Bernet talks of
Western culture as one that essentially treats boys/men as "babies" who need to be spoilt and told they are of higher worth than girls/women on a daily basis. Bernet believes that "the moment a mother, parent, caregiver and even the village raises a boy to respect the mother/girl, we will have less rape and sexual violence". I do agree with Bernet to a point: some men are raised to prioritise/worship patriarchal roles whilst taking matriarchal roles for granted and this can lead to a distortion concerning a "woman's worth". However there are cases where men and women have been brought up to respect both father and mother and to see both genders as being equal to one another and yet they still commit sexual assault and rape crimes. In many ways it defies logical reasoning. That makes me angry but it still doesn't mean we shouldn't try and address the question of patriarchal privilege, especially within the Criminal Justice system.

Finding Solutions:

1. Revisit your own definition of rape and sexual assault; look at legal definitions online from authentic resources such as Citizens Advice Bureau or Women's Aid. If in doubt, remember that sex without consent will at least constitute sexual assault (e.g. if woman on woman).
2. Remember that there are few examples of false accusations of sexual assault or rape. Just because one allegation has been proved false doesn't mean that 1000s of other allegations are false too.
3. Put yourself in a victim's shoes: How would you feel if you had been raped but had decided not to come forward until many years later for fear of being attacked again? If you are not in the courtroom hearing the evidence from a rape trial directly from witnesses or from lawyers, is it appropriate to pass judgement on a victim without not fully knowing the circumstances? However, the "innocent until proven guilty" concept must be respected for the accused so it is better not to make unqualified claims whilst the trial is taking place.
4. Challenge your own unconscious biases. Try not to judge victims based on their sexual identity/history. Think about prostitutes/sex workers; if one person forces themselves on a prostitute, would you automatically dismiss their testimony because of their sexual history or how they make their money? If a gay man is raped by a straight man, would you say he "led him on" or "secretly wanted it" even though there was no consent given? Remember, flirting is not consent!
5. Actively challenge rape apologists on social media platforms but from an empathetic viewpoint. Explain why they shouldn't be using misogynistic language to refer to rape victims by making them aware that anyone can be a rape victim. Educate them rather than patronise them. Ask whether they would be angry if their family relative/friend was accused of lying about sexual assault.
6. Debunk the myth that Feminism has helped increase rape accusations "for the sake of shaming men". Feminists do help to support rape victims by being actively involved in charity work, so they are not "cancerous" as some extreme far-right activists would have you believe. Rape accusations will increase when rape culture is being hackled head on and victims are encouraged to come forward and try and get justice for what they have had to endure. Never use "Feminism" as an excuse to close down discussion of male/transgender victim narratives, especially if their perpetrator was female; all victims deserve to have their voices heard and it is unhelpful to try and downplay one narrative to highlight another. Take an intersectional approach!
7. Support comprehensive, impartial Sex and Relationships Education (SRE). Write to your local MP to get him/her to recommend making SRE compulsory for all secondary school students so they all understand the legal definition of consent, rape and what consequences could be faced by them if they choose to break the law. SRE should also cover LGBTQIA rape issues so that all students, regardless of gender identity or sexuality understand the need to respect each other's bodies and privacy, even if they happen to be married or in a relationship. Challenging conservative religious attitudes to marriage and sex such as the idea of "body ownership" would be helpful here.
8. Support local and national victim charities such as Women's Aid, Gender Free DV by offering your skills, time or money. Charities do not just need trained counsellors and front-line providers to run effectively; many are crying out for Administrators, Fundraisers and  HR Assistants to help run back office functions and they would appreciate your help, even if it is only a few hours on a Saturday afternoon. You don't have to be a woman or a feminist to get involved and you could help make a real difference and demonstrate your committment to helping challenge rape culture and low conviction rates!

New Horizons, New Pitfalls: Life After Coming Out

"Authenticity, it is almost needless to say, consists in having a true and lucid consciousness of the situation, in assuming the responsibilities and risks it involves, in accepting it … sometimes in horror and hate." John Paul Sartre, Anti Semite And Jew 1948.

Happy National Coming Out Day to my American blog readers! I know that Twitter's probably rife with political blundering spin merchants trying to get you to vote for Trashy Trump because they say he'll protect LGBTQIA people (just by having a not so well thought out free gun giveaway) even though he hasn't bothered tweeting support for those who have decided to come out today. He probably doesn't realise how much of a big deal it is announcing to the world (or your Mum) that you identify differently in terms of your gender or sexuality. I was pretty lucky really; having come out as gay at 16 to my parents after having an argument over a girl friend I was close to that they thought was my actual first girlfriend meant by the time they realised I was seriously considering changing my gender identity at 27 it was like hearing a pin drop fall into the Atlantic Ocean!

For a lot of trans people, the process is much more difficult. You never really know what reaction to expect, even if your parents/partner/children seemed pretty liberal with their moral views beforehand. You don't want to offend folks by wearing non-conformist clothing or kissing your future boyfriend/girlfriend/gender-fluid/queer partner in front of them but at the same time you feel that you have to live an authentic life and express it before you end up being stifled by gender or sexual conformity. Questioning your gender or sexuality can lead to a genuine crisis of self confidence that may never truly get resolved. It can lead to some cheating on their wives, husbands, partners just because they feel the need to experiment to express their authenticity. This can be a "moment of weakness", "a night of passion" or a full blown torrid affair of the heart and genitals. Cheating/adultery to me in any form is abhorrent (it might explain my reluctance to get involved with anyone on a romantic level) but I'm not "snowflakey" enough to say that it should/can never happen.

For me, coming out as transgender wasn't about trying to attract a boyfriend, trying to become "gender conformist" or to explain away my "abnormality". Labelling myself as transgender meant that I had sarcastic Tweeters and Facebook trolls casually reflecting on my mental state, my ability to create "rational thoughts" about anything or that I was using my gender identity to make a purely political statement, that I wasn't really serious about transitioning because I'd never "go through with Hormone Replacement Therapy or Gender Reassignment Surgery"otherwise I'd label myself as transsexual and keep quiet on "political issues" such as allowing gender-neutral bathrooms to be installed in every public service building or allowing extra employment rights such as time off for aforementioned surgery to take place. Initially I didn't really think about any of that. It was just a way of explaining to others that whilst I had been born biologically a male, I didn't identify as being biologically or culturally male. Yes I understand people may have issues with a biological as well as a cultural disavowing of masculinity/maleness/machismo but it was my choice, my decision how to explain why I was going to change my body and lifestyle. Everyone should have the choice to be able to label themselves how they want and identify how they want. That's a basic definition of freedom of expression. But again I'm not green enough to believe we live in a world of total freedom of expression. I leave that to radical nationalists who believe they can say (and do) anything to make themselves feel they are in control, exerting power over those who they believe are there to fulfil their every whim and desire. I'm certainly not a whore for sexual deviants who want to indulge in a bit of elicit "sex on the side". If I believed in such regressive tripe I'd have to tolerate murderers and rapists for their freedom to act in a vile manner without being open to challenge and I just don't have it in me to do that. We have freedom of expression in the confines of current law. In the UK this means that we can identify as transgender and are protected at work by our Equality Act, whether ultra right wing Conservatives like us identifying as transgender or not. It's true to say that the EA is far from perfect. There's no explicit mention of protection for gender fluid, queer and non-binary people; it is only implied by extending protections for trans people to them meaning that their rights can be open to challenge. I'm fighting tooth and nail to try and change the EA to make it fully inclusive Protected Characteristic wise by changing the characteristic from "Gender Reassignment" to "Gender Identity".  As an equal opportunity activist it would be remiss of me not to fight on this point. It breaks the myth perpetuated by some bitter Right Wingers that trans people are "very selfish" after they come out. Trans people are far from selfish! Yes some trans people might be preoccupied at times with trying to raise money for gender reassignment surgery, especially if they live in countries where the surgery is not paid for, such as the US but that does not mean they don't care how women are treated after being sexually assaulted if the person is FTM trans. A few "bad eggs" cannot be allowed to poison the reputation of trans people for those wanting to come out as trans.

When you come out as transgender, you should know that you have a level of protection from discrimination within the workplace. Employment Tribunals are not the only avenue you can go down to get your voice heard.If your parents are abusive towards you after you come out as transgender, you can report them to the Police who should then investigate their behaviour under Control and Coercion Regulations or Hate Crime legislation. If the police officer refuses to investigate, report them to your local Police and Crime Commissioner or tweet the Women and Equality Minister or contact Stonewall. If you are made homeless by your parents or partner after you come out as transgender, you can approach your local council and ask to be rehoused or get in touch with charities who I know would do anything they could to try and stop you ending up on the street. One of my biggest fears before I came out as gay was that my Dad would straight away evict me out on the streets at 16 before I even had the chance to complete my GCSEs, destroying my chances of getting on to do A Levels, go to University and perhaps get into a profession (not that I've managed to do the last yet!) Many young LGBTQIA people feel that they would be disowned and left to fend for themselves. It's a fear that we need to try and combat. I hope one day there will be more charities dedicated to ensuring that these teenagers and children never end up homeless because of their choice to disclose their gender or sexuality preference. Finally, no LGBTQIA should be rewarded for their brave decision to come out by being trolled or bullied into believing they have a mental illness. Those LGBTQIA people who are suffering from depression, anxiety or pre-existing conditions deserve comprehensive treatment and part of this includes ensuring that their gender or sexuality choice isn't automatically scapegoated. More psychologists, psychiatrists and psychiatric nurses need to stop bringing their personal/unconscious bias into the treatment room. More teachers, social workers, youth workers and religious leaders need to realise that labelling an LGBTQIA person as "unbalanced" or need of "treatment" is damaging and can lead to them self-harming because they believe the hype they are "abnormal. It can even lead to a person taking their own life only a short while after coming out. This has to be prevented. Nobody deserves to suffer for wanting to be authentic, for wanting to be true to themselves.

Remember, coming out is an individual decision and it should always be your choice when, where,  how and to who you choose to come out to. If you are already out, you must remember that you do not have the choice to make up someone's mind up what their gender or sexuality "definitively is" or where and how they choose to do this whether you have been wronged by that person or not. You might not know their personal situation because they may have chosen not to reveal that to you. That might seem annoying, especially if they dump you and go with someone else but if you chose to get involved with that person in the first place then you have to accept their right to privacy. Equally if you are friends with someone who is closeted or a self-confessed LGBTQIA "ally",  don't pressurise them to come out. Be supportive and encouraging, listen to them when they need support and advise them only when they ask for advice. Outing them doesn't do your friend any favours and may lead to them disowning you in the long run!