Confidence(ish), Progress and Hope

Gosh it seems like an age since I wrote my last blogpost! Time flies by when your diary and/or reading list is full to the brim. I can't really complain: I've met with many interesting and intelligent people who share my passion for creating a more equal, inclusive society through delivery of progressive policies and social action projects. One thing I can say for definite is that our young people in Lincolnshire have a plethora of genuinely game-changing ideas to share with the world and it's important, now more than ever, to do what we can to help cultivate platforms for them to share such ideas. It shouldn't matter what a young person's socio-economic circumstances happen to be- if they have something engaging and thought-provoking to say, they should have a space where they can express themselves openly and frankly and a space where they can listen to others doing the same thing, in the hope they collaborate and bring transformative ideas to life.

I wish I had had more opportunities to build the self confidence I needed to express my thoughts and share my ideas out of the school environment. I think my teachers and peers appreciated the contributions I did make in lessons like PSHE and Religious Studies but I never felt comfortable with the mechanics of it all. I guess I felt partly judged but also that I didn't want to be seen to be hogging the limelight or wasting my peers' time. When you are seen as a bit of a social outcast or the “weird one”, it can make you feel like you have to be quieter, so that you don't draw more attention to yourself than the attention sought of you by the teacher. The reality of the situation may be completely different to your perception of it- peers may be feeling nervous themselves and would love to hear someone being bold and being prepared to share thoughts with them to help spark conversations, especially when challenging conversations need to be had in the classroom. The Heads Together Mentally Healthy Schools page states that anxiety can become an issue for students when “their fear or worry seems out of proportion to the problem, it leads to unhelpful and unrealistic thoughts about themselves and others and/or when it interferes with their ability to take part in activities” (https://www.mentallyhealthyschools.org.uk/mental-health-needs/the-anxious-or-worried-child/). I certainly felt overwhelmed by social situations at school and whilst I was never without friends, it wasn't easy to engage in ordinary school activities. There were times when I found it difficult to concentrate, especially as exams neared and there was many a time when I'd come back from secondary school in floods of tears having received a module report, parent's report or exam grade and feeling like I'd not done well enough, even though the majority of my effort grades over the 7 year period I was there were in the A-C range. My parents or teachers never felt that I ever needed specialist pastoral support and some of my teachers thought as long as I was doing reasonably well in their subject “I would pull myself together” before the exams and pass them and then be less anxious as a result. Perhaps they didn't fully understand how emotionally draining it was for me, to cope with expectations, to over challenges I faced as a result of dyspraxia and my body confidence issues. As for my gender, they just had no real clue or at least they didn't want to be vocal about it. Maybe I should have spoken up more and said how I was feeling. I got through school life but it was hard at times.

So you see some young people will never feel like they can be completely themselves at school and that's why fostering spaces for discussion outside the school environment can be vitally important.

The tentativeness approach to life that took hold at school seemed to ebb away at the University of York. I felt freer to be more myself...maybe it was because I met more folks who seemed like me – dyspraxic, gender stereotype breakers, feminists, shopaholics (I do love a charity shop vintage clothing or jewellery bargain and still frequent them today) but even when at my most uninhibited, I still felt I couldn't be entirely expressive of my opinions in Philosophy seminars. It was really strange that I could quite easy lead a seminar on discussions of gender identity and stereotyping and breaking Regency social mores in Jane Austen's work but didn't feel confident to discuss the differences between dualism and monism in the philosophy of mind (Descartes vs Spinoza....worth looking up if you have the time and inclination: https://psychologenie.com/dualism-vs-monism-in-philosophy). It was partly a fear of being seen as lazy if I got some element of the theory argument wrong (in English Literature it was more about remembering historical dates where my long-term memory doesn't seen to desert me) and partly because I never saw myself as a capable debater or philosopher...unsurprisingly this is still pretty much the case today. I enjoyed more listening to the views of my peers in philosophy seminars so would only contribute when required/prompted by the tutor and then came the slipping up of words, the tentativeness, the uneasiness and the patronising/sympathetic looks and nitpicky comments, usually from the ex public schoolboys who chose Philosophy because they thought it was a “liberal conservative chic” subject to take and they'd probably have a cushy job or internship to look forward to. Alright for some I guess. I'd smile back but it was a front to mask my anxiety, my fear of having to bear being subject to the charge of being inane. Being arcane has it's advantages but fear of being inane is one cross you seem to have to bear, especially if you're a dyspraxic student. Thank God I could escape to the local Cat's Protection charity shop for a natter with the local manager who literally gave the best and most frank life advice ever: “Wear your craziest 80's leggings to the next seminar and show you don't give a f**k about their patronising tone” she said once. I did....and I said what I thought to the bitchy ex public schoolboys and yes, it made me feel a million times better. Self-care is so important. Sometimes you just have to rebel. Suffice to say my tutor for the course was quite taken aback by it all. But then she was a social conservative and I don't think she or any of the liberal Tories in that group had met someone like me. Learning experiences are good for all concerned, regardless of background so I hope it helped them in some way....well they may know what 80's leggings look like. That's a start...

After uni, I became more withdrawn and felt more and more my views and the ideas I espoused didn't really matter. This week the Social Housing Green paper was released and in it there was a chapter dedicated to talking about social stigma faced by social housing tenants. All of the engagement events conducted with residents as part of putting the paper together included discussions about social stigma. The paper highlights research conducted by Shelter earlier this year which found that “24% of families in social housing feel looked down on because of where they live, compared with only 8% of families who are private renters or homeowners” (https://england.shelter.org.uk/media/press_releases/articles/shelter_launches_new_social_housing_commission). It's interesting how the Tory Government now seem more willing to state they need to recognise the contributions made by social housing tenants towards improving community cohesion. They need to do far more to “value the diversity of residents in social housing-from the most vulnerable who need support, to the majority of adult residents working and those supporting vital services like the NHS” (https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/733605/A_new_deal_for_social_housing_web_accessible.pdf). That means changing perceptions with social housing tenants leading the way by telling their stories and sharing their ideas for such change.

I can tell you from personal experience there are folks who are in HR and Recruitment roles in Lincolnshire who can have an bias against applicants from certain areas where social housing is prevalent. This bias is often not expressed in words but is noticeable through changes in vocal tone and body language. You can have all the qualifications you need to enter a career sector but if they take one look at your address and make an assumption, that's it.....they'll exchange pleasantries, ask the questions they need to ask to fill in their sheets but come selection process time, you just know they'll find the excuse not to hire you. It's the quiet tut, the glancing of eyes or avoidance of eye contact that gives such people away. It's disheartening, it can make you less willing to be open and it can put young people off from applying for jobs in certain sectors.

I've met numerous young jobseekers who have been long-term unemployed who are engaging, passionate about particular issues (e.g. reducing homelessness and improving the housing sector) but who feel like they never get a chance to air their views and showcase their ideas and even when they do get a rare chance, they never feel like they've not been listened to by those they perceive to be in positions of power. I believe we need to do far more as a society to provide meaningful engagement opportunities and provide funding to encourage those who share their ideas to test them through the creation of social action projects. Grassroots self-improvement projects will help participants to build their self-confidence, improve communication and interpersonal skills and give them a chance to shape their own future path. Some of the people deemed “hardest to reach” by professionals have the most interesting ideas and rather than taking a restrictive, punitive approach with them or mollycoddling them, let them take charge of their destinies through creating their own volunteering social action projects and for goodness sake ensure they have money to be able to follow through with it.

I'm very lucky to now be in a position where I can begin to work with young people from low-income backgrounds, young people with low-level mental health conditions like social anxiety, young people who are experiencing long-term unemployment (NEETs) as well as young people who feel like they are social outcasts from urban and rural areas of Lincolnshire. All have the potential to come up with transformative, progressive ideas and I want to work with them to co-curate a platform they can access and contribute to to share those ideas. This will be done in a multitude of ways and I, for one, am excited at what progress could be achieved. My own passion for writing has been continually renewed and inspired by daily conversations, long and short. I'm beginning to feel more confident once again about speaking in public too, which is a positive development and who knows, I may be speaking at events across the country one day, sharing my own thoughts and those of others who have a progressive, hopeful vision for their communities and for the UK as a whole. I may still be tentative Matti at heart, but I'm growing in knowledge, experience and awareness every day and I'm really grateful for that.